Running Log

8/26 2.97 miles

8/28 1.98 miles

8/30 4.53 miles

I felt pretty good on my run today, could have gone five miles, but coach Mike wouldn't let me. It's good I didn't because I'm exhausted enough as it is. I start having lofty long term goals when I'm out putting miles on my running shoes, but have to remind myself to take it slow. I have a bad habit of overdoing things then getting burned out and throwing in the towel. It's a problem that spills over into many areas of my life, but I'm using my running time to practice looking at my goals one step at a time. So far, I'm doing pretty good, with a little help from hubby who encouraged me to save the last .5 until "next time".

First The Ow... Then The Wow

Yesterday, I rustled up a little motivation and pulled out "The Firm" workout video I bought months ago. I haven't done one of these workouts in over three years, but it's just as I remember. In other words, I barely made it through the warm-up, almost passed out half-way through, nursed throbbing muscles all day today, and can't wait to do it again tomorrow! You may be wondering why I would torture myself in such a fashion... the answer is quite simple... it works! My legs already feel tighter today, and their claim that you'll see visible results in ten workouts is true. It's my favorite workout, I've just been avoiding it because it's hard work and I wanted to be in a mental place where I knew I wouldn't quit after one smack down.

So, that was my "ow" experience and tonight I had my "wow" experience. I've been doing a walk/run routine for three weeks now and have felt nothing but an uncomfortable burning sensation in my legs, and extreme fatigue. I used to run in college to release stress, but this time around, my attempts have been fruitless. Tonight, however, I felt great. I didn't have any pain, I had greater stamina, and felt my stress melt away while I burned off some unnecessary calories. I was starting to get discouraged thinking there would be no pay off for my efforts, but I'm glad I stuck with it.

WHY?

I've been exercising regularly the past two weeks, only eating out on occasion, and watching what I eat at home. So, imagine my surprise when I got on the scale and saw that I've actually GAINED a couple of pounds. WHY? It was a little discouraging, but I'm not going to give up on my efforts. I fear that my waist line is waiting for me to return to an anti-dairy/wheat regime, not to mention my skin would benefit as well... but I don't want to!!! I love bread, cereal in the morning is SO much easier than frying up an egg, ice-cream is delectable, sandwiches are convenient and yummy all at the same time... and here in lies the problem. I know in the long run I would feel and look healthier, but it's going to be a challenge. I'm not quite ready to make that leap again, but it's on my mind, and I'm sure I'll get there sooner rather than later.

Running Log

8/19/09 3.23 miles

8/23/09 3.10 miles

I think I forgot to record a couple of outings, again!

I was pleasantly surprised this morning to find that I could go three miles with greater ease than I could last Sunday. I was even able to run close to a mile without stopping... a feat I haven't been able to accomplish in years. I'm going to stick with the three mile goal this week, and aim for four miles next Sunday.

Running Log

I was able to get out every morning this past week for a walk (thanks in part to Riley for insisting that he get his morning stroll/dash/yank/sprint). By Thursday, I was absolutely exhausted, in part because we have been getting up earlier. I was a bit discouraged thinking my dedication to a new exercise routine had backfired, but this morning I was able to go for three miles and it actually felt pretty good.

So, here is my log for this week:

8/09 2.30 miles

8/12 1.85 miles

8/13 1.76 miles

8/14 1.77 miles

8/17 3.00 miles

(I forgot to turn on my "runkeeper" a couple of times)

Carried Away

So, I went on my "power walk" this evening. We intended to go out for an hour (which I feared I couldn't handle), but we got carried away with our conversing and ended up walking for an hour and forty-five minutes. See, that's the beauty of going with someone else who likes to talk... bonus calories were burned without my even noticing.

A Little Motivation

Today, Mike hooked me up with the "Run Keeper" application for my phone. It utilizes GPS to keep track of all your runs, walks, or hikes (I appreciate that it gives props to us walkers). I must say it's very motivational. Also, someone from my women's Bible study group invited me to start going on walks with her. The last time I spoke to her, she slipped in the phrase "power walk" into our discourse, so we'll see how long that lasts (she may dump me when she figures out how out of shape I am). It still motivates me none the less. Also, I've managed to get the kid's room and our room organized after the remodel hurricane finally passed through. Having an organized space also motivates me to start taking care of myself again.

So, I'm ready! I've run out of excuses, I have plenty of motivation, and I'm in a good mental place to start an exercise routine again. I did two miles on Friday (thanks to my good- conversation buddy), another two miles this morning (thanks to my hubby), and I'm on track for my "power walk" tomorrow. My goal is to slowly work up to six miles and run a 10k next year. My long term goal is to run a marathon with Mike (and of course, Mary Heather and I have to do the Disney marathon), and my ultimate goal is to do a triathlon (the mini-version mind you). While those goals are fun to think and dream about, right now I'm just content with getting up every morning and doing something good for my body. So, off to bed with me, I've got a dog to walk in the morning (for all his faults, at least he motivates me to get up and moving also).

Here's The Thing

So, I'm at the kids playgroup today, and the Mom's are talking about the hardcore workout group they've joined. And I'm thinking... no thank you!!! What kind of an attitude is that? It's my summer attitude and it's costing me the ability to button up my pants. There are so many fun things to do, so many good things to eat, too much going on in the house, etc, etc, etc. I get annoyed by people who have excuses for everything, and oh look... I'm one of them! I'm tempted to add that my hormones have been wacky for months and I feel like yuck squared, but where does that leave me? No where pretty, I'll tell you that much.

I started this journey all gung ho, satisfied with taking things one small step at a time. I'm horrible at that. I'm one of those people who likes to go full speed ahead, get it done right and get it done fast. If I don't think I can accomplish something efficiently and effectively, I don't even bother trying. What a horrible way to live life. I really wish I could live in the moment, enjoy the process, not just anticipate the end result. Today, I was so mentally exhausted that I lay on my bed and actually imagined being an old woman on the verge of leaving this world, and it actually brought me peace. How wrong is that?

So, here's the thing... there are so many fun things to do, and so many good things to eat, and there is a lot going on in the house. But I need to make choices. For me there is satisfaction in checking things off on life's to do list; been there, seen that, did that, ate that. But my check list doesn't feed my soul. I want so much to slow down, drink in each day (sip not guzzle the moment), let my heart just be. It's hard, my mind has other plans, but my soul has a say as well. My body, mind, and heart are good at telling me what they need, but I'm not a very good listener. If I truly want to feel better, I need to react less and listen more. Perhaps, that's the first step.

Mindful Of It All

Yesterday, I was walking past Grandma's room and a 3ABN show caught my attention. A woman with a cancer diagnosis was talking about thankfulness and how it was a big part of her healing journey. The host chimed in with a statement I can't remember verbatim, but the essence of her words had to with the command to be thankful IN all circumstances, and how that doesn't mean we have to be thankful for the circumstance itself. Her words really struck a chord with me. While I have been struggling with physical issues for a while now, the mental battle has been much more fierce. Depression can so easily go from a few weeks of feeling low to an all consuming way of life. Before I know it, a combination of issues related to sleep, diet, exercise, stress and the like can turn my mind into a dark world I cannot escape. While I may be able to express things I SHOULD be grateful for, it doesn't always register it in my heart and mind. It occurs to me though that like most things, gratitude takes practice. I may not "feel" it right away, but the effects of focusing on things I am thankful for will eventually effect the way my mind functions, and will become a way of life rather than something I have to work at. So, after years of hearing about these things, I finally started a gratitude journal. I'm starting off small, just two entries today, but they were honest and deeply felt. God asks us to be thankful in all circumstances, I know there is a reason, and I know part of my healing will come from following this counsel.

My Cheatin' Heart... Or Stomach

I went into vacation mode knowing full well that I wouldn't sustain my no sugar regiment, in fact, I gave myself permission to cheat a little.  Not a good idea.  When I got home I had no more self control and succumbed to some very delicious doughnuts.  Tonight it was a cake frenzy.  It's so hard.  One bite of sweets very quickly turns into several bites, which often turns into way too many bites.  My body is pretty warn out from the trip, not to mention my mind, so I'm going to cut myself a little slack while I recoup.  But a new, stricter day is a comin'.

Oh Great!

When I committed to this no sugar thing, it didn't occur to me that there would come a day when my hormones would come a calling.  Well... they're calling!!!  This is seriously testing my willpower because my body NEEDS some sweet, sweet carbs.  Not whole wheat bread carbs, more like doughnut carbs.  I just need to get through this week, and hopefully things will get easier.  Or... I could make a quick run to Baskin Robins (must think non-sugary thoughts!)

Happy Mother's Day To Me

I had a great Mother's Day.  I purposely chose to take a break from my dessert cleanse, so I enjoyed my french toast and chocolate shake sans the guilt.  Now, I'm perfectly content to go back to treat-free living come tomorrow.  The first few days of this venture were a bit rough, I'll admit (3:00 p.m. sugar cravings produce some intense irritability); but now that I have a week of success under my belt, I'm feeling pretty good.  It feels empowering to take control and make decisions based on conscious thoughts rather than erratic emotions.  I chose to eat some sweet fare today, and I choose not to partake of such delicacies the rest of the week.  

By the way, I went on three walks today, so I feel extra good!  It takes me so long to get into an exercise routine, and not very long at all to get out of said routine... but I feel so good when my body gets the exercise it needs.  I wish I could remember this on cold, rainy winter mornings when I just want to hibernate.  Part of my desire to live a healthy lifestyle is to make exercise a part of each day.  I don't want to look at it as something I have to do to lose a few pounds, or rid my thighs of some jiggle.  Rather, I need to constantly remind myself that challenging my body physically is an important part of feeling healthy, whole and at peace.  One day at a time!

I Could Really Go For A Brownie Right About Now

Okay, I've made it through two days without satisfying my sweet tooth.  I'm sure I'm not following strict sugar cleanse protocol (you can bet there was sugar in the muffin I ate today), but denying myself dessert is a big step for me.  If I can get through a week of this, I may have the gumption to move forward with a stricter regimen.  

This morning I had brown rice with eggs and I felt really good.  I have to get over the mindset that breakfast is only breakfast if a bowl full of carbs is on tap for consumption.  As I ate my healthy fare, however, I kept looking over at my kids with their plate full of waffles and felt so guilty.  If I'm doing this to improve my health, why do I let THEM eat so much sugar.  Granted, they eat pretty good for kids growing up in this culture, but pretty good isn't what I'm going for. As much as food is an emotional issue for me, it's an even stronger factor when it comes to my kids.  I feel like I'm depriving them of something when I limit the foods they desire the most.  I want them to grow up having a healthy relationship with food, but I guess it starts with me and the example I'm striving to show them.

How Do I Love Thee

How do I love thee, sugar?  In so many ways!  On top of a sticky cinnamon roll, nestled in a berry pie, speckled throughout my favorite cookies, burrowed in a soothing bowl of ice cream.  A day is not complete without a little nibble or two.

SUGAR!!!  It's the one thing I battle with more than any other when it comes to eating right.  I know, I know, and I know that I need to go on a (gulp) sugar fast.  I know it's the only way to get to a point where I don't crave the stuff so intensely, but I REALLY don't want to do it.  I've tried it before and failed miserably after days of intense irritability.  That right there is an indicator that I need to do this and stick it out; but as is the case with so many things, the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.

So, I'm leaning in that direction.  That direction over there, the bumpy, annoying, hard one.  I haven't started walking that way yet, but I'm definitely keeping an eye on things over there and getting ready to make my move.

Just One of Those Days

It's one of those days.  I'm tired and emotional, my anxiety cup is full, and all I want is FOOD!  I stepped on the scale a while ago and was shocked.  That number is the only thing keeping me from running to the kitchen to devour every bread product in sight.  Granted, my body is in upheaval and it's effecting my weight, but there's some personal responsibility I need to claim as well.  It's not okay to use food for purposes other than those it was intended for, but I have become well adept at using it for most every purpose OTHER than those for which it was intended. This has not always been a struggle for me, and I'm not sure when it began, but it's my reality now.  Food is therapy, it's a drug, a distraction, a reward-oh how I wish it weren't so!

I'm tempted to wallow in a sea of discouragement tonight, but I have to remind myself of how far I've come.  My eating habits today are starkly different than the ones I had before I had children. My diet is far from where I'd like it do be, but still miles ahead of where it once was. I'm more aware today, and have a desire to continue turning that awareness into action.  One step at a time.

So...

So... if taking care of three kids and a Grandma, playing with the dog, cooking three meals, taking the kids to the park, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, and making the bathroom squeaky clean is considered exercise-then I had a great workout today!

These Feet Were Made For Walking

This morning I sacrificed a few extra, precious moments of sleep to go for a walk.  This was a big deal because sleep usually wins out.  Hopefully, this small step will make the next step easier.  

Food: The Heart of the Matter

Food and I have an unhealthy relationship.  The desire for certain culinary delights often wins the battle over my acknowledgement that said delights come with unwanted side effects.  Sugar is like an abusive boyfriend I just can't seem to say goodbye to.  A romantic rendezvous with a bowl of butter pecan ice cream is likely to win out over the fear of extra pounds, lethargy and a racing heart.  

This is slowly changing though, as I have been purposeful in bringing food to my consciousness.  I have started reading "Healing with Whole Foods" by Paul Pitchford and have trouble putting it down.  It is helping me to define and organize the messages I have been hearing about nutrition and health the past few years.  I'm using this book as a tool to help me deal with some of my most pressing health concerns, e.g. weight, anxiety, hormonal imbalance, psoriasis, depression and fatigue.

After reading the first chapter, my first goal is to add foods to my diet that are rich in magnesium.  This is an important mineral for the proper absorption of calcium, which is vital for the prevention and treatment of many ailments.  Vitamins and minerals are best absorbed through food, as opposed to supplements, so my goal is to slowly add more nutrient dense foods to my shopping cart each week.  This week, I am going to focus on eating sprouted whole wheat bread and brown rice in place of regular whole wheat bread and white rice.

One step at a time.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."  Lao Tzu

Beginnings

I am on a journey, and this is my travel log.  My adventure started seven years ago when I suffered a severe electrical shock while working as a teacher in Guam.  My body, mind and heart have not been the same since.  My health and my heart had issues before this event, but this was a definite turning point in my life.  I've taken detours, made pit stops, taken steps both forward and back and find myself here today.  Where is here?  A junction in the road, two paths to choose from.  I can go left, a familiar path lined with old habits good and bad.  Or, I can choose to go right, into unfamiliar territory where the path is rugged and untamed.  It is a path that will require more work, more determination and more faith than the other, but it is the path I choose. God has slowly been leading me here, and I acknowledge His leading today and voice my desire to see where this path will ultimately lead.  So, here I go!