The Running Blues

I haven't gone for a run in about a month. I haven't done much of anything this past month. It's discouraging to be doing so well only to hit the fatigue road block again and again and again. There are moments when I'm pretty down on myself, but thankfully I'm having more and more days when I can think positively about my situation, which is a big deal! This is a process and, as with most things, there will be successes and failures along the way. There are things I long for, like having a body that can physically handle the plans of my heart, or a mind that can rest without worry and fear, for the cloud of depression that threatens to take over to be gone forever, to be able to drive again. I long for these things, and will continue working and praying for a positive outcome, but I realize that we don't always get what we want in this life. I'm having to undo old thinking patterns, and deal with the frustration that comes along with the realization that being a follower of Christ is not a guarantee for my life running smoothly all the time. I'm really starting to take hold of the promise that one day God will set all things right, and that I can have peace even if those things are not set right during my time on this earth. So, today I couldn't go for a run, or get the house cleaned, or drive my car, but I managed to have moments of thankfulness and peace and for that I rejoice!

Funny Stuff

You know what I find amusing? Calling a 10:30 pace "easy"!

Today's Run

Today, Mike and I ran seven miles. It was slightly less painful than running the 10k, which is a good feeling. Around mile three, Mike asked me why I like running all of a sudden (we've gone 12 years together without any of this running business). I thought about it for a moment, and came to the realization that I have spent the better part of the past five years being frustrated with my body for what I saw as failures after giving birth to my children. Running gives me an opportunity to celebrate what my body CAN do. There are things I still get frustrated by (like wanting to be able to drive again!), but there are so many things to be thankful for. Running gives me an opportunity to rejoice and be thankful for what I do have.

A 10K Under My Belt

Yesterday, Mike and I ran the Kenwood 10k. While we were waiting for the race to begin, I overheard someone exclaim, "this is a pretty intense 10k". Then when the gun sounded, Mike said, "I have something to tell you". That something he had to tell me was that the course was going to be a lot harder than he let on. We're talking hills! Not leisurely climbs here and there, but steep, relentless hills! It was difficult, but I did it, and it was a great feeling when I finished. I even crossed the finish line ten minutes faster than I had anticipated (I won't be standing on any podiums in my lifetime, but it was an accomplishment none the less). The experience was a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to doing another one. Of course, now I have my sights set on the half marathon... but first things first, my legs need some major TLC!

A Run

Here's a breakdown of today's run...

1. Run five miles

2. Eat breakfast at East West Cafe

3. Run three miles

4. Assess that I am, indeed, still alive then sign up for a Fourth of July 10k

An Epiphany

I'm telling you, biking has become my new therapist. I was in a funk all day, and when Mike got home, I made a mad dash to get things situated so we could go on a ride together. The thoughts, frustrations, and confusions of the day swirled through my mind as the miles past beneath me. After racing up a couple of steep hills, my body sank into an exhausted sense of relaxation, and my mind became focused. "I'm living with a mindset of what- ifs, instead of the reality of what is." The words kept passing through my head, piercing my heart deeper each time. I'm my own worst enemy. I'm controlled by fears, and insecurities. What if I fail? What if this friendship hurts me in the end? What if they really don't like me? What if I'm making the wrong decision? Unfortunately, those what-ifs paralyze me into inaction, keep me from experiencing true friendship, rob me of the richness life has to offer. The road continued to pass underneath, as a sense of resolve and hope swelled within me. God isn't finished with me yet! These are old demons I've fought my entire life, but God has brought me so far these past few years, and I know He'll bring me further still. It's hard to despair because of where I am now when I look at where I was. He is able! The sun set in the sky, and it was time to pedal home. I wonder what new discoveries lie ahead the next time I hit the road on two wheels!

Back In The Saddle... Or Running Shoes

Today, I ran one mile! It's been many weeks since I've gone for a run. My back held up pretty well, so I think I'm confident enough to start back up working towards my half-marathon goal. I must confess, however, that while I was running I was lusting after a bike ride (I know, I know, I was unfaithful!) Running is a challenge for me. I'm not good at it, so I really have to work at it to reach my goals. It takes a great deal of determination for me to lace up my running shoes and hit the road, but there is great reward in conquering each new mile. Running is good for me, if not for my body, then for the building of my mind and of my character. It's like a close friend, not the one you call up for a laugh or for a fun time; but the one who accepts you as you are, and challenges you to be even more.