My Cheatin' Heart... Or Stomach

I went into vacation mode knowing full well that I wouldn't sustain my no sugar regiment, in fact, I gave myself permission to cheat a little.  Not a good idea.  When I got home I had no more self control and succumbed to some very delicious doughnuts.  Tonight it was a cake frenzy.  It's so hard.  One bite of sweets very quickly turns into several bites, which often turns into way too many bites.  My body is pretty warn out from the trip, not to mention my mind, so I'm going to cut myself a little slack while I recoup.  But a new, stricter day is a comin'.

Oh Great!

When I committed to this no sugar thing, it didn't occur to me that there would come a day when my hormones would come a calling.  Well... they're calling!!!  This is seriously testing my willpower because my body NEEDS some sweet, sweet carbs.  Not whole wheat bread carbs, more like doughnut carbs.  I just need to get through this week, and hopefully things will get easier.  Or... I could make a quick run to Baskin Robins (must think non-sugary thoughts!)

Happy Mother's Day To Me

I had a great Mother's Day.  I purposely chose to take a break from my dessert cleanse, so I enjoyed my french toast and chocolate shake sans the guilt.  Now, I'm perfectly content to go back to treat-free living come tomorrow.  The first few days of this venture were a bit rough, I'll admit (3:00 p.m. sugar cravings produce some intense irritability); but now that I have a week of success under my belt, I'm feeling pretty good.  It feels empowering to take control and make decisions based on conscious thoughts rather than erratic emotions.  I chose to eat some sweet fare today, and I choose not to partake of such delicacies the rest of the week.  

By the way, I went on three walks today, so I feel extra good!  It takes me so long to get into an exercise routine, and not very long at all to get out of said routine... but I feel so good when my body gets the exercise it needs.  I wish I could remember this on cold, rainy winter mornings when I just want to hibernate.  Part of my desire to live a healthy lifestyle is to make exercise a part of each day.  I don't want to look at it as something I have to do to lose a few pounds, or rid my thighs of some jiggle.  Rather, I need to constantly remind myself that challenging my body physically is an important part of feeling healthy, whole and at peace.  One day at a time!

I Could Really Go For A Brownie Right About Now

Okay, I've made it through two days without satisfying my sweet tooth.  I'm sure I'm not following strict sugar cleanse protocol (you can bet there was sugar in the muffin I ate today), but denying myself dessert is a big step for me.  If I can get through a week of this, I may have the gumption to move forward with a stricter regimen.  

This morning I had brown rice with eggs and I felt really good.  I have to get over the mindset that breakfast is only breakfast if a bowl full of carbs is on tap for consumption.  As I ate my healthy fare, however, I kept looking over at my kids with their plate full of waffles and felt so guilty.  If I'm doing this to improve my health, why do I let THEM eat so much sugar.  Granted, they eat pretty good for kids growing up in this culture, but pretty good isn't what I'm going for. As much as food is an emotional issue for me, it's an even stronger factor when it comes to my kids.  I feel like I'm depriving them of something when I limit the foods they desire the most.  I want them to grow up having a healthy relationship with food, but I guess it starts with me and the example I'm striving to show them.

How Do I Love Thee

How do I love thee, sugar?  In so many ways!  On top of a sticky cinnamon roll, nestled in a berry pie, speckled throughout my favorite cookies, burrowed in a soothing bowl of ice cream.  A day is not complete without a little nibble or two.

SUGAR!!!  It's the one thing I battle with more than any other when it comes to eating right.  I know, I know, and I know that I need to go on a (gulp) sugar fast.  I know it's the only way to get to a point where I don't crave the stuff so intensely, but I REALLY don't want to do it.  I've tried it before and failed miserably after days of intense irritability.  That right there is an indicator that I need to do this and stick it out; but as is the case with so many things, the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.

So, I'm leaning in that direction.  That direction over there, the bumpy, annoying, hard one.  I haven't started walking that way yet, but I'm definitely keeping an eye on things over there and getting ready to make my move.

Just One of Those Days

It's one of those days.  I'm tired and emotional, my anxiety cup is full, and all I want is FOOD!  I stepped on the scale a while ago and was shocked.  That number is the only thing keeping me from running to the kitchen to devour every bread product in sight.  Granted, my body is in upheaval and it's effecting my weight, but there's some personal responsibility I need to claim as well.  It's not okay to use food for purposes other than those it was intended for, but I have become well adept at using it for most every purpose OTHER than those for which it was intended. This has not always been a struggle for me, and I'm not sure when it began, but it's my reality now.  Food is therapy, it's a drug, a distraction, a reward-oh how I wish it weren't so!

I'm tempted to wallow in a sea of discouragement tonight, but I have to remind myself of how far I've come.  My eating habits today are starkly different than the ones I had before I had children. My diet is far from where I'd like it do be, but still miles ahead of where it once was. I'm more aware today, and have a desire to continue turning that awareness into action.  One step at a time.