Here's The Thing

So, I'm at the kids playgroup today, and the Mom's are talking about the hardcore workout group they've joined. And I'm thinking... no thank you!!! What kind of an attitude is that? It's my summer attitude and it's costing me the ability to button up my pants. There are so many fun things to do, so many good things to eat, too much going on in the house, etc, etc, etc. I get annoyed by people who have excuses for everything, and oh look... I'm one of them! I'm tempted to add that my hormones have been wacky for months and I feel like yuck squared, but where does that leave me? No where pretty, I'll tell you that much.

I started this journey all gung ho, satisfied with taking things one small step at a time. I'm horrible at that. I'm one of those people who likes to go full speed ahead, get it done right and get it done fast. If I don't think I can accomplish something efficiently and effectively, I don't even bother trying. What a horrible way to live life. I really wish I could live in the moment, enjoy the process, not just anticipate the end result. Today, I was so mentally exhausted that I lay on my bed and actually imagined being an old woman on the verge of leaving this world, and it actually brought me peace. How wrong is that?

So, here's the thing... there are so many fun things to do, and so many good things to eat, and there is a lot going on in the house. But I need to make choices. For me there is satisfaction in checking things off on life's to do list; been there, seen that, did that, ate that. But my check list doesn't feed my soul. I want so much to slow down, drink in each day (sip not guzzle the moment), let my heart just be. It's hard, my mind has other plans, but my soul has a say as well. My body, mind, and heart are good at telling me what they need, but I'm not a very good listener. If I truly want to feel better, I need to react less and listen more. Perhaps, that's the first step.